From a grown up misfit

[StargazerGeisha]

Ronnie -

Many years ago, I wrote a letter to you. I was all of 14, and I asked you to marry me, and that I was cool to wait until I was 30. I figured by then we would both be sooooo old, nobody would care about our age difference! I never sent it because I didn't want you to think I was weird.

A few months ago, I started a new letter to you. I was going to enclose a copy of my NCAA brackets that I filled out so you could either think I was gifted at picking winning teams, or so that you could laugh at me, or so that you could weep at my crappy brackets. By the way...I almost won this year...

I never got around to sending that letter, and needless to say, I'm kicking myself in the behind about that.

Anyway....I'll get to the point before my tears start to blur my eyes.
You have been a huge part of my musical consciousness for as long as I can remember. In fact, I really can't remember much about life without your music.

Growing up, I felt quite alone. I realized at an early age, I had to depend upon myself for my happiness and well being. I wasn't lonely, but quite alone. Most people would say typical teen aged stuff, but when it goes into adulthood, it becomes obvious that those feelings are here to stay.

So, I directed my energy to things that made me happy, and discovered you.

It was your music that told me that it was OK to be different, to think and feel the way I do. You told me through music that a misfit like me was worthy of all the magic this great big crazy world has to offer, that it's not reserved for the lucky and the beautiful. It's for people like you and me.

My all time favorite song of yours is All The Fools Sailed Away. Over the years, the meaning of that song has evolved over the years. People don't always have your best interests at heart. People come and out of your life. Some come back, but the fools sail away and stay away, and I've been all the better without them. As I got older, the song became a commentary on human beings, how we hurt each other deeply, yet we do backflips for one another for just the slightest bit of attention.

This past Sunday, the meaning changed again for me. Your begining lines about the tides "There's perfect harmony in the rising and the falling of the sea." Balance, harmony - the tide going in and out - birth and death. The cycle completed.

Someday I wanted to meet you and tell you all of that. Sadly I never got the chance. I was secretly hoping you would be up for a tour later this year...

Maybe in about a thousand years I'll run into you on the Other Side, and gush about how wonderful you are!

Until then, Thank you from a misfit who grew up into a woman who is now comfortable in her own skin, thanks to Ronnie James Dio.

Much Love, Affection, Respect, and Admiration,
Sarah

[StargazerGeisha]

I watched you on the Golden Gods last night! Charming and adorable as ever!

I was saving a bottle of chianti for when you gave us the news that you were cancer free. (Nothing super expensive, but still pretty good.) I decided to open it, because watching you accept your award was indeed cause for celebration.

[StargazerGeisha]

Just some rambly thoughts on the eve of the public memorial...

I started a book yesterday....Dawn French's Dear Fatty. I thought it would cheer me up because she's hilarious....

Well...it kind of did cheer me up...and of course...made me think of Dio.

I always got annoyed whenever some "music journalist" had to make sure that he/she made that point that you're over 35. Yes. Thank you. We all know. Anyway...in this book, there is a great line. She was describing her father, and the death he should have had:

Old enough to be clever and young enough to be handsome.

Anyway...I always figured you would get to be ancient, like George Burns. In my mind, I would be the age you are now, and say to myself "Wow! Dio got to be really old!" In my mind, that's how it was supposed to happen, but reality seldom cooperates with what I have hatched out in my fevered mind. Again, to quote Dawn French:

"The natural form is, I get older, and you just get....old. Then and only then should you be permitted to die. Even that should happen in front of the telly after a bowl of stew and a cuddle up with your missus. Not the way you died. Not like that."

In my mind, later this year I would have shown up to a show. I would have met you backstage, outside, whatever, another 10-15lbs lighter, with perfectly styled hair, lipgloss carefully applied, wearing a carefully chosen outfit that's comfy enough to rock in, yet still cute and age appropriate. After dithering over whether or not I should say "hi" or "hey" or "hey there," or should I just wait until I was spoken to....then hopefully you would walk away thinking "what a nice girl." I would walk away thinking....well, I would most likely would have just been dizzy with my ears ringing.

But, like I said earlier, I'm sure we'll run into each other in about a thousand years, and I'm sure I'll still be nervous and awkward...

[StargazerGeisha]

Has it been a month already?

It seems both achingly long, yet the sting and the shock are still there, still fresh...

[StargazerGeisha]

It's been a lousy summer without you....

[StargazerGeisha]

Wow...six months. Pretty soon it will be a year, then ten years, then....forever.

I've never really been one to mark the passage of time, but it has really flown.

And you know what Ronnie? I think we're gonna be OK...

[Neon Knights Forever]

Where does the time go? I can still clearly remember getting the news of Ronnie's passing. I was with a friend who is a big fan as well at the time, and when he called out the news to me from having read it on the computer, the only word I could manage was a bellowed "WHAT?" due to the shock. I was hoping that it was someone playing a really sick joke, because I didn't want to hear that he was really gone.

It may seem silly to some, but on what would have been Ronnie's 68th birthday, my boyfriend and I took a trio of purple, silver, and black balloons with a little frog tied to them (since I heard that Ronnie had a thing for collecting frogs) and let them go in a park near where we live. The picture that we had taken with Heaven & Hell at a Metal Masters concert meet & greet in 2008 at Tinley Park, Illinois sits in our dining room, and there is a Ronnie memorial decal on our truck. He actually had two men in a BMW pass him out on the road, see the decal, roll down their windows, stick their hands out, and throw up the devil horns.

Maybe Ronnie, after he left this world, was telling us all along not to be sad for him, and we were too overwhelmed with grief to hear it. But at last, after these last six months, it seems we are starting to heal. I honestly feel that Ronnie would want us to celebrate his life and/or go on with our own lives, not mourn his death.

Even though he is no longer here in the physical sense, he will never be really gone. He will always be way too loved for that.

Horns up for you, Ronnie.
_________________
It's Always A Mystery, Not What It Seems To Be.

[StargazerGeisha]

[Rainbow]

aww, I used to send balloons with a message up to heaven to my Grand mother.

It's a lovely thing to do

[Neon Knights Forever]

When we do such things as send up balloons or do other things to celebrate the birthday and/or memory of someone that we've loved, but who has left this world, maybe they are able to see and appreciate what we're doing, and know that we love and miss them. I'd certainly like to think so, and maybe Ronnie was somehow watching when we let those balloons go. Even at the Iron Maiden concert that I went to this past July, in Tinley Park, Illinois, they dedicated their song "Blood Brothers" to him, and during the little tribute before the song, Bruce Dickinson said something along the lines of "If Ronnie's up there somewhere", or "If Ronnie's looking down", which I thought was very cool. For a few seconds, the Dio chant was heard loud and clear, from a large part of the audience. I felt happy watching their tribute, and sad and strange too, because almost exactly 2 years earlier, on that same stage, was where I saw Ronnie in person for the first time.

Thanks everyone, for replying to my posts.
_________________
It's Always A Mystery, Not What It Seems To Be.

[StargazerGeisha]

I marked the day privately, just kind of within myself. The day itself was spent with family, and I was clowning around with my nieces.

I'm pretty sure he would have spent the day with family and friends. Who knows? Maybe he did.